Writing, and KITTIES!

I'd love to get back to writing.

I have a few different novels in various stages of completion. 

But I've been unable to write since about April or May of last year.  It was right around the time we learned my cat Pogo was sick.  His kidneys were failing, he was dying.  He did wind up passing away on June 12 of last year.  We tried so many things to keep him alive. 

Anyway, since then I've been unable to write.  Or even read books.  I don't know why that is.  I don't even know if that is the real reason behind it.  I just know that it's the only thing that sticks out in my mind that it could be. 

Whenever I'd read, he was always there.  I'd hold him in one of my arms, like a little baby ... and hold a book in my other hand.  We were in a state of constant snuggle when I would read.

Whenever I'd write, he would always be right here.  Sometimes laying right beside me.  But most of the time, just like with reading, I would hold him with one arm, and still be able to type.  It was funny ... I was able to adapt.  I was able to hold and snuggle him, and still free up both hands for typing somehow.

That is the only thing I can think of, the only reason why I've been unable to read and write.

I'm to the part of the grieving stage where I don't constantly cry and break down when I think of him now.  I'm able to think of him fondly, and not focus on the horrors of his last days here on earth.  I can focus more on the good memories.  But it's still hard.  I do still break down from time to time.

We've adopted 4 more cats since he's passed away.  I could not STAND being in this empty house.  Most of the time it was just me and him here, so I just couldn't do it.  We adopted pretty quickly after he passed.  Some people thought it was a bad idea, that I might resent the new cats because they weren't Pogo.  I knew better.  I knew that I would always differentiate, and there would never, EVER be another Pogo.  I was afraid that I wouldn't get as close to any other kitty like I did with him though.

Anyway, we adopted 3, and then a year later another one.  Now our house is once again filled with the pitter patter of little padded feetsies, meows, purrs, scratches, and sounds of playing with kitty toys.  That sound is completely music to my ears.  (Even at 3am when they have the crazies!) 

It's weird though.  I thought I wouldn't get close to another cat, but I have.  The first 3 we got?  Well, we were only going to get 2.  We wanted 2 siblings ... brothers.  The two biggest things we weren't going to do?  No girls, and no black cats.  (Before my husband, I only had black kitties ... and when we got together he and one of my black kitties, who happened to be a girl did NOT get along, lol.) 

There were the 3 cutest little black kitties at the shelter.  All girls, hahah.  We visited with other cats.  Just didn't feel the connection.  But we totally did with those 3!  And we couldn't break them up and only leave 1 behind, so we adopted all three!  (Dani, Sami, and Missi) Funnily enough though, one of them turned out to be MALE instead of FEMALE.  And at first?  Well, when we first got them home, I didn't think the little boy, Sami, would ever take to me.  But boy was I wrong!

He's been so sweet.  And has helped me heal tremendously.  He's a clingy one, just like my Pogo was. 

This year, I went to the shelter again with a friend, since he was looking to adopt.  I met with lots of kitties, and I'd been toying around with the idea of finding a little boy kitty to even out our herd.  But I didn't connect with any.  Right before we left though ... one of the staff members brought out 3 darling little Ragdoll mixes.  The two little girls were regular Ragdolls, with the Siamese coloring.  I knew they would have ZERO trouble getting adopted.  But their little brother was a Solid Ragdoll.  A little black fuzzy wuzzy thing.

So, I wound up adopting him as well.  We named him Mortiis Chewbacca, lol. 

He's been such a delight!  It took a week or so for the other kitties to accept him, but now they are all happy together. 

As he's gotten a little bigger, he looks SO much like Pogo.  He's a long haired kitty.  His face looks like a black version of Pogo's.  He even has a similar demeanor, and his purrs sound just like Pogos did.  In a way it's kind of creepy.  In another way, though, it warms my heart.  I love this little baby. 

Honestly, I love all 4 of them though.  I love that all 4 have vastly different personalities! 

Anyway, I went off on the kitty story tangent. 

I originally wanted to post about writing. 

I wish I could find a way to overcome this writers block.  Never in my life have I had any kind of writers block last thing long.  Well over a year now!  I just don't know what to do.  Every time I sit down to try and work on something, or hell, even THINK about it, I have a severe panic attack.  I just wish I could find the answer, and find my way back to my stories.  I miss them terribly.  I NEED that creative outlet.

Alabama trip, Outlook Grim, Sepo, Old Friends, PAIN!, Kitties.

I have different things I want to blog about, since it's therapeutic, but it probably doesn't all belong together, so I'll try to space it out amongst different blogs.

I'm still bummed about the whole weight loss thing.  I tried on my Sith Cheerleader costume again and BLEH!  We are only a few weeks out from Dragon Con, so I don't think I'll be able to make any progress on that front.

We went to Alabama this past weekend.  Doug's band Outlook Grim played a show in Decatur.  A friend of ours was in town, and playing so it was almost like a little mini reunion of sorts.  Mitch, our friend, was in the band Augustine's Chapel, while Doug was in iNdULgE ... and they used to play lots of shows together, and when not doing shows together everyone would always attend one anothers shows.

We went down Friday ... first Doug and I stopped by a McDonald's to meet up with my sister-in-law, and two of our nephews.  It was a good visit.  They'd grown SO much.  They enjoyed the Christmas gifts we'd gotten them from last year. 

After that, we headed to my moms house.  Sigh.  It's SO incredibly hard for me to see her.  She has wasted away to practically nothing.  Drugs and alcohol have NOT been kind to her.  It's hard for me to be around her like that.  AND, my uncle Kenny has moved in with her, so he was there.  Missy, her baby Erik, and Lee needed a ride to my brother Randall's new place, so I gladly jumped at the chance to get out of there and take them.  I told my mom I'd be back after I dropped them off.

I stayed at my brother's place for a bit.  I started having anxiety attacks like WHOA even thinking about returning to my moms. 

So, I did a bad thing.  I didn't go back.  She called me like a million times for the rest of the weekend, left TONS of messages that aimed to lay the guilt on thick.  I called her early Monday, mostly because I knew she'd still be asleep, and left her a message.  ugh. 

Anyway, we went back to the hotel that my mother-in-law Janice, and sister-in-law Melissa (Sissy) had checked into for all of us.  Janice and Sissy were in the pool when we pulled up, lol.  We took our luggage up, and joined them.  It was nice, and we had the pool all to ourselves until the very end. 

The next day, Saturday, was the day of the show. 

Our friends Traci and Tabby were coming down from Georgia to join in the festivities, and they brought us these AMAZING orange rolls from Cullman.  It's always really awesome to see them.  And they gave me the most AWESOME necklace for my birthday!  A cameo with a black cat on top of a skull.  Perfect, and SO me.

We kind of laid around a bit.  I took a nap, since the previous day was SO exhausting.  I hit up the Hancock Fabric Store and found a goldmine of fabric to make things for this years Christmas rush. 

We got to the venue, Excalibur Vintage and Vinyl pretty early.  I got to see SO many of my old friends!  It was great.  Until I did something to the upper left part of my abdomen, that is.  Janice thinks I may have pulled something getting out of one of the sofas there, but I don't know.  It was tolerable at first, and I tried my best to hide the pain.  It came and went for a few hours or so.

I stood all through Outlook Grim's performance, there was no way I wasn't standing for my husband's performance!  They were completely awesome.  And very well received.  I can't WAIT for them to play out again!

I had to sit back down right after that though.  And from there it got SO bad.  I was in tears!  It was really beginning to scare me.  I didn't want to let Doug know because I didn't want to ruin his time.  He was having a blast, and seeing all of our old friends, some of which we probably hadn't seen in 10 or 15 years.  I was texting Sissy though and letting her know what was going on.  I tried my best to stay through Mitch's band, Sepo, but it just wasn't meant to be.  Half way through their set, I had to get Doug's attention, and get him to help me to his mom's car. 

I hated not telling people goodbye.  Ugh.

She thought she was going to have to take me to the ER, that's how much pain I was in.  But we got back to the room, I took some medication, and laid on the side that was giving me fits.  Between those two things, it eased up a bit. 

It hurt the next day somewhat, but it was MUCH improved over Saturday night!  Sunday felt like it took us forever and a day to get home, lol.

I was super excited to see the kitties.  And they were super excited to see me as well, lol.

The pain hasn't been back since Sunday, so hopefully whatever it was fixed itself.

Anyway, all I've really done this week is ship out orders, made some YouTube videos, took care of some business stuff, picked up the house a little, loved on kitties (they've been super clingy, lol), and tried to catch up on television.