Writing, and KITTIES!

I'd love to get back to writing.

I have a few different novels in various stages of completion. 

But I've been unable to write since about April or May of last year.  It was right around the time we learned my cat Pogo was sick.  His kidneys were failing, he was dying.  He did wind up passing away on June 12 of last year.  We tried so many things to keep him alive. 

Anyway, since then I've been unable to write.  Or even read books.  I don't know why that is.  I don't even know if that is the real reason behind it.  I just know that it's the only thing that sticks out in my mind that it could be. 

Whenever I'd read, he was always there.  I'd hold him in one of my arms, like a little baby ... and hold a book in my other hand.  We were in a state of constant snuggle when I would read.

Whenever I'd write, he would always be right here.  Sometimes laying right beside me.  But most of the time, just like with reading, I would hold him with one arm, and still be able to type.  It was funny ... I was able to adapt.  I was able to hold and snuggle him, and still free up both hands for typing somehow.

That is the only thing I can think of, the only reason why I've been unable to read and write.

I'm to the part of the grieving stage where I don't constantly cry and break down when I think of him now.  I'm able to think of him fondly, and not focus on the horrors of his last days here on earth.  I can focus more on the good memories.  But it's still hard.  I do still break down from time to time.

We've adopted 4 more cats since he's passed away.  I could not STAND being in this empty house.  Most of the time it was just me and him here, so I just couldn't do it.  We adopted pretty quickly after he passed.  Some people thought it was a bad idea, that I might resent the new cats because they weren't Pogo.  I knew better.  I knew that I would always differentiate, and there would never, EVER be another Pogo.  I was afraid that I wouldn't get as close to any other kitty like I did with him though.

Anyway, we adopted 3, and then a year later another one.  Now our house is once again filled with the pitter patter of little padded feetsies, meows, purrs, scratches, and sounds of playing with kitty toys.  That sound is completely music to my ears.  (Even at 3am when they have the crazies!) 

It's weird though.  I thought I wouldn't get close to another cat, but I have.  The first 3 we got?  Well, we were only going to get 2.  We wanted 2 siblings ... brothers.  The two biggest things we weren't going to do?  No girls, and no black cats.  (Before my husband, I only had black kitties ... and when we got together he and one of my black kitties, who happened to be a girl did NOT get along, lol.) 

There were the 3 cutest little black kitties at the shelter.  All girls, hahah.  We visited with other cats.  Just didn't feel the connection.  But we totally did with those 3!  And we couldn't break them up and only leave 1 behind, so we adopted all three!  (Dani, Sami, and Missi) Funnily enough though, one of them turned out to be MALE instead of FEMALE.  And at first?  Well, when we first got them home, I didn't think the little boy, Sami, would ever take to me.  But boy was I wrong!

He's been so sweet.  And has helped me heal tremendously.  He's a clingy one, just like my Pogo was. 

This year, I went to the shelter again with a friend, since he was looking to adopt.  I met with lots of kitties, and I'd been toying around with the idea of finding a little boy kitty to even out our herd.  But I didn't connect with any.  Right before we left though ... one of the staff members brought out 3 darling little Ragdoll mixes.  The two little girls were regular Ragdolls, with the Siamese coloring.  I knew they would have ZERO trouble getting adopted.  But their little brother was a Solid Ragdoll.  A little black fuzzy wuzzy thing.

So, I wound up adopting him as well.  We named him Mortiis Chewbacca, lol. 

He's been such a delight!  It took a week or so for the other kitties to accept him, but now they are all happy together. 

As he's gotten a little bigger, he looks SO much like Pogo.  He's a long haired kitty.  His face looks like a black version of Pogo's.  He even has a similar demeanor, and his purrs sound just like Pogos did.  In a way it's kind of creepy.  In another way, though, it warms my heart.  I love this little baby. 

Honestly, I love all 4 of them though.  I love that all 4 have vastly different personalities! 

Anyway, I went off on the kitty story tangent. 

I originally wanted to post about writing. 

I wish I could find a way to overcome this writers block.  Never in my life have I had any kind of writers block last thing long.  Well over a year now!  I just don't know what to do.  Every time I sit down to try and work on something, or hell, even THINK about it, I have a severe panic attack.  I just wish I could find the answer, and find my way back to my stories.  I miss them terribly.  I NEED that creative outlet.